Good question... I dunno what is the answer to your question. I'll do some Googling and get back to you if I discover an answer. You should email the people at Medifast as they probably can answer it..
I think it's vital to sit your friends down & explain to them what's changed...what's come about that led you to make the decision to change your life & your health. Explain to them that your health profile is suffering; that your doctor told you, in no uncertain terms, to lose weight or face a potential health CRISIS down the road. Period. You've decided to take his advice seriously & to change your eating habits. Tell them you'd PREFER to eat whatever you want, whenever you want, but that it's no longer a viable option for you..
I think quite often, other women look at us and think Oh Brother Look How HIGH & MIGHTY YOU Are. We are NOT high & mighty, we are not self-righteous; we are on a QUEST for a better life for ourselves and for our families & loved ones..
That being said, I truly believe that in women's circles, someone has to have the title of The Fat One. That title always belonged to ME. Well, I do NOT want that title anymore & so, I will NOT have it. That leaves THEM with the title and they don't want it either, but, they also don't want to DO anything to CHANGE it. That's the bottom line..
If all you have in common with your friends is overeating, then they may not be your friends anymore. If, however, you have other things in common, then pursue THOSE commonalities; go shopping, go to the movies, play cards, talk on the phone....do whatever non-food related things you DO together..
Good luck; this is a tough situation many of us are faced with sooner or later. The true, real friends DO come through, because a relationship is built on MORE than just food or outward appearances. True friends know that & look past the fact that you are choosing to deal with your issues & they wind up gaining respect for you in the process...
Drop them like a bad habit. People who can't be happy for your success aren't really your friends. They're just people you know with whom you once had things in common. Friends wish the best for you and support you while you go after it. They don't make nasty comments about gaining the weight back, they don't constantly tell you that you can have something just this once and they don't make you feel guilty for making healthier choices..
Big changes in your life are one of those times where you really see who's around you and who's worth holding onto. There are so many positive people out there that I can't see surrounding myself with the debbie-downers...
I feel for you. I have the same issue with a couple of friends and it's super frustrating. One friend I need to sit down and have a talk with. A couple of others I just prefer not to be around anymore...
Just be kind to them because jealousy shows their insecurity about themselves. Its a red herring for where they think theyre lacking. You look great and that could make someone compare themselves to you and they might not like the comparison...
I certainly wouldn't drop someone who has been a good friend, simply because I felt they were uncomfortable with my weightloss..
Sit down over a cup of coffee and really talk to them. maybe it is not jealousy about YOU, but unhappiness with THEMSELVES. Be there for them, let them know the weight loss doesn't change your friendship..
Then turn your thoughts to yourself. Look inside yourself. have you changed in your attitude toward them?? Have you been avoiding them due to not wanting to hang with your heavier friends??.
Maybe the issue is double sided. When we change our weight, we change our attitudes. It is all about balance...
You sound so angry. Im sorry you have been hurt so much. People can make us harsh..
If they were a good friend before weight loss they will be a good friend after you lose weight. If a friend is one to dump they were one to dump way before you lost weight. You look great by the way!..
How does one sound "angry" via a message board? ... we can't "sound" like anything in the written word.... that's tone and your interpretation of her word mindset, which may or may not be accurate...
The thing is... they probably WERE one to dump way before she lost weight (IF they are like that, I mean), but she didn't know that yet! Sometimes we don't see how people truly are treating us until we make a change in our situation. Sometimes we allow ourselves to be treated as "less than" because of our self-esteem and it isn't until we sit up and do something positive for ourselves that we realize we deserve better than that!..
I think GiGi hit this on the nail. A true friend is supportive during the good times and bad, thrilled for you with success, and comforts you when down/distressed. Having a fair-weathered friend is not a true, lifelong friend..
There was one very close friend that I unfortunately had to let go some years ago, with tremendous sadness to this day. I finally figured out that she was the best when my life was in the dumps. She was very high maintenance (jealous, possessive, negative all the time) when all was going well. She ultimately couldn't stand my happiness and there was nothing that I could do to turn around her feelings and behavior. Similar to an abusive relationship, I finally realized the tremendous toll it was taking on me, and those I loved around me..
In Changing4Better's situation, you might find yourself slowly disassociating from these friends - maybe for the best, maybe they'll figure it out and come around to being supportive. Time will tell, just don't let their behavior impact your self esteem, attitudes, and behavior...
I have one friend who, like me, has yo-yoed for years. The other night she openly admitted how jealous she was at my early Medifast success but admitted it was just because she is currently struggling. I shared the details of the "MF lifestyle" with her and offered to start working out with her if she would be interested. Our friendship is still in tact..
I know in the past even though I prayed for my friend to have success when she was dieting, I also felt those pangs of jealousy and maybe even guilt because I was not taking control of my health like she was. That kind of jealousy was motivating because I knew if she could do it, then so could I. If your friend hasn't been overly harsh or hurtful, I think I would let it slide or try to talk to her. If it is a healthy friendship, this twinge of jealousy won't make or break the relationship. If she is open to discussing it, maybe she could use the motivational push from you to get her own diet on track. If not, just let her deal with it on her own and try to be cognizant of her feelings and try not to celebrate your weight loss in front of her too much...
Actually not angry at all. Frankly, I'm living a charmed life at this point and I value each and every minute of it, and each and every person in it who is supportive and loving and full of fun and life. What I don't value is people who make themselves feel better at my expense, or feel the need to run me down, or who are generally unsupportive and critical..
I have found that these people tend to hang on in our lives long past the time we really enjoy their company and it becomes a friendship based solely on long association. How many times do we hear somebody say how awful somebody is but that they've been best friends since the fourth grade? All the freaking time..
All I've done is come to the conclusion that friendships evolve over time and some eventually become more damaging than they are worth. It's not about being hurt, because I haven't been, it's about making a decision about what types of people I want in my life and the debbie-downers don't make the cut anymore...
I personally have found that as we shed the weight, all our relationships change. And I mean ALL of them. We relate to each other in certain, definable ways. Alot of my friends were eating buddies. Well, I'm not an eating buddy anymore, and because of this, some of my friends no longer call me or invite me out (apparently, when I make healthy restaurant choices quietly, I'm a total buzzkill LOL!) Some of my friends actually liked me larger because it made them feel good about themselves as larger people. One friend actually said that "I wasn't supposed to LOOK better than her"...and we used to spend every Christmas together! I haven't seen her for months, but I still phone her and invite her over every few weeks.
The bottom line is this: those who are true friends will celebrate in your success. BUT you need to be aware that your success is changing the old relationship and that takes a bit of "management" and awareness, that's all. It's a really fine balance one winds up walking when weight loss is concerned between sharing success and being accused of "bragging" or "gloating". I've found that just quietly doing what I do is the best option, and I let others deal with it as they see fit. And by "quietly" I mean, I'll order a salad with no croutons and the dressing on the side. I won't say "OMG how can you EAT that Jalapeno Popper you need some salad, with no dressing, just like ME".
Just, things will CHANGE, and the sad fact is that some friends won't have anything in common with you anymore, some friends will be angry that you are changing and they aren't, and others will be supportive. Some might even be inspired..
At the end of the day, you need to put your health first, and just take a breath and step back. Figure out what is going on, and if some friends don't seem to be "friends" anymore, it might be best to just move on. And it's always good to be gracious during this change. That is by far the most important thing I think?..
Luckily I haven't encountered any jealous friends, yet. I do have one friend though (she's very skinny already) who always says things to me like "OH, that's right...you can't eat that" and gives me the sad pouty face. I know she isn't doing it to be mean, but it's super duper annoying to me. I'M not upset that I can't eat that food, so it irks me to have other people "upset" for me...
This doesn't really fall into the "jealousy" category, and not to hijack, but I had to vent and didn't want to start a new thread in the interest of not drawing undue attention to the situation..
A good friend of ours dropped an enormous amount of weight on MF, and was actually my wife's and my inspiration to do this. She's still on MF, I guess (she's still got Medifast food around the house), although she's already lost the weight she wants to lose, and is either in transition or maintenance as far as I can tell. I have no idea if she frequents this board, I hope she doesn't, but if she does, que sera, sera, I suppose..
Anyway, she has a little gathering at her place on Friday. My wife and I are the first people there, and I bring over a bunch of beer that we had bought for some guests a week ago and tell her that it is for anyone else that comes, because we have no intention of drinking it, and that we'll just leave it there. She commends us both on how good we're looking, how much weight we've lost, etc. That prompts a lengthy discussion about MF. There was even a point where we were talking about dealing with temptation at parties, and how even one bite of something off-plan can set you back and cause a spiral out of control..
On the heels of this discussion, she says, "Oh, you guys have to try this," and hands each of us a little cookie-looking thing. I bite into it, and it's spectacular, and I'm like, "Wow, this is on MF? What is it?" She replies, "Oh, it's not on MF, it's Dale's cookie from Top Chef, with the pretzel and potato chip crust and the chocolate ganache topping.".
OK, in fairness, I probably should have asked what it was to confirm that it was OP before I put it in my mouth, but I figured that of all the people we knew, she understood what we were trying to accomplish AND WE HAD JUST HAD A DISCUSSION ABOUT THIS VERY DIET AND OUR EFFORTS TO STAY ON IT seconds before she gave us this cookie that was destined to knock us out of ketosis and set us back. Blew me away. I'm thinking, "OK, so you've obviously made the decision to allow yourself some freedom to go off plan tonight, but I don't view hanging out at your place for a couple of hours at an impromptu gathering as a special enough occasion to warrant the setback, AND OH MIGHT I FINALLY ADD I WOULD HAVE LIKED TO HAVE HAD MADE THAT DECISION MYSELF.".
That was Friday, it's Monday now, and I remain thunderstruck. She's a good friend one of our best friends, in fact and I don't intend to make an overly big deal about it, but she's now moved from the "people who are on our side" category to the "people who aren't really concerned with whether we lose this weight" category in my mind. Unreal...
Wow, toasty. I would have been seriously irritated too!..
Holy Sabotage, Batman! You've dealt with the classic saboteur the one who can be the ONLY successful on Medifast and she's gonna make sure you have a setback...I've dealt with those saboteurs and man can they be SNEAKY!.
Nice that you held your temper, and nice to know exactly what is going on here. Sad that you are going to have to be super-vigilant around her, and I'll bet one day when you're at goal, you can ask her "exactly what WAS that?"...
I thought your post was interesting, I think jealousy is a huge reality of losing weight. Did you tell your friends you were doing medifast beforehand? I could see how a close friend would feel a bit jealous if you were to start dropping weight and hadnt shared how you had done it, Just a thought. I have a sister that got a gastric bypass done years ago and she didnt tell anyone, she just started losing weight, however she gained it all back plus more in a very short time, (after the fact she shared what she had done, I just wished I could have been more supportive for her, if I had known..that was a huge thing to go thru without sharing with anyone I'm sure I seemed a bit offish when I would ask how she is losing weight and she said she would just grin and say she was just watching foods, yeah right!..Anyways.. congrats on your weight loss, in time your friends will be supportive of you once they have some time to absorb the new you..and all the positive changes you are going thru.
You might even be an inspiration for them to do the same!..
Interesting psychological side effect, though not exactly new - we tend to become the people we hang around with..
There was a study in the New England Journal of Medicine on July 26, 2007, that showed a strong correlation between the chance of obesity and the amount of friends one has that are obese, and it gets stronger if they are close friends. To quote:.
If a person you consider a friend becomes obese, the researchers found, your own chances of becoming obese go up 57 percent. Among mutual friends, the effect is even stronger, with chances increasing 171 percent..
Encouragingly, the converse is also true - if one of a circle of friends loses weight, the other friends increase their chance of losing weight in approximately the same ratio..
In many cases then, the emotion may not be jealousy - it may actually be redirected guilt - they feel that they should also be losing weight intellectually, but have not yet come to terms with it emotionally, so our success sets up cognative dissonance in their minds, and they lash out..
There is no one right or wrong way to deal with this. If we remain friends with folks like this, and don't let their negativity drag us down, then we may end up inspiring them to change. if however, they continually keep trying to drag us down, at some point, the healthy thing may be to sever ties..
Just food for thought.....